Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
