ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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