Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
