Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
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