I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
