Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
My cat gives me a boner
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
