Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Randomize
