wrigley field is MILF paradise
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
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