So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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