Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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