Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
