I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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