i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
