Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
