Can Purell be used as lube?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
