I got chris browned last night
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
