i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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