Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
