Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
