my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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