:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
