they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
