the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
