i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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