the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I supernannyed him into submission
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
