last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Randomize
