1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
