theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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