Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
