I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
