were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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