I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
