she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
