Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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