New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
