K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
