Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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