New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
