can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
