I wish you could order shots online.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
