just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
