I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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