I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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