Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
