forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
