I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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