Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
