I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
