If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
