I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
honey bunches of taint.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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