I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
