No stitches, just platelets and will power
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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