dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
