do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
