As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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